Me: FedEx is here.
Maggie: I’ll take care of it.
Me: ok
Mags: really?! I can bring the boxes in and everything?
[high pitched squeal voice] I’m like a human!!!

Saki and Maggie got up and looked around the house and came back and saki said “everything looks ok. Except for one thing. It looks like an earthquake in Tommy’s room.” Maggie said “That’s a bad joke.”

Me: do you want to ride home with me or daddy?
Maggie: Who is gonna win?

Maggie: I’m confused. There’s animal chicken and food chicken.

Tommy, talking about something that happened a long time ago: Are we the only ones who didn’t laugh historically?

Tommy: how many British accents are there? Are we using an accent right now? I thought William Shakespeare was British. Would you like to meet a rocket raccoon? First of all, he’s a raccoon. Second, he has a gun. And he has an English accent.

Tommy: Canada is the best state.

Tommy: when I grow up, I’m probably gonna own a shop named Flea Market.
Maggie: and I’m gonna own one named Magic. And sell aaaaalll kinds of unicorns.

Tommy: The thing I like about Canada is that our friends are there. And I like their flag.

By Tommy
Feb 12, 2014

Elephant

I had an elephant
That pooped and pooped and pooped
I got rid of it and it came back and it
Pooped and pooped and pooped

Blankets

I got a blanket and poked a hole in it.
The feathers flew away.
I got another one and it did the same thing.
And then I got another one and mommy poked a hole in it.
The end

Maggie : Jesus gets to pick what I’m going to be when I grow up